Shefali Razdan Duggal

Principles

Shefali Razdan Duggal — Wed, 01 May 2013 06:30:21 +0000

Hello! I hope this note finds you well. I would love to discuss the concept of standing up for your principles. It is an insight which I have always believed in with an intense depth and firmness. It likely came from the fact that from a young age, my family had been ostracized due to societal inconsistencies which existed in my immediate unit. These inconsistencies where the fact that: 1/my parents were divorced, which was very uncommon in an Indian family when I was growing up and; 2/ my mother then ultimately was working two minimum wage jobs to support she and I (young girl at time) after my father left. She working in these jobs was very uncommon, as the other Indian wives of her generation…were certainly not working these types of jobs. This, and likely, many many more which I am probably too oblivious to notice, were what created a “black sheep” syndrome for my little family with both the Indians around us, as well as many member of the extended family members in India. Whilst these things, in and of themselves, were just facts of life and my family’s destiny, the way people treated us was the shock. Although, this treatment made us each ultimately much stronger, kinder and loving individuals with a high degree of empathy (which, quite honestly, I am not sure if I, personally, would have felt had I not gone through my own experience). Well, seeing my mother’s example of complete indifference to what other people thought absolutely taught my brother and I a wonderful skill set of authenticity, transparency and the knowledge that if we had good intent, then what other’s view of us was absolutely, and with complete certainty, irrelevant. I thank my mother and my childhood for this skill set. It has stayed with me throughout my entire life on most, in fact, almost all, topics concerning my actions. This gift has allowed me to have a confidence of doing what I feel is right, saying what I feel is kind and fair (even if it doesn’t make logical sense to others), being assured that since my intent towards others is compassion, that if they perceive my actions any other way…well, that is something which is an unfortunate thing coming from their own colored lens of life. And, it isn’t my responsibility to persuade or convince others of my integrity in intent. To have to differentiate in my beliefs within a friendship has been rare, although sometimes necessary. I have not often come across a situation when a close friend has such a diametrically opposite way of looking at a situation than myself, as I feel that I often have consciously surrounded myself with folks with similar energy, similar beliefs, similar ways of looking at the world and analogous internal compasses. Although, I am wholeheartedly in agreement that it is a magnificent and necessary thing to have diverse perspectives surrounding a person, as that is what makes us introspect and often times, in the most positive sense, grow in an affirmative way within our hearts and souls. Although, there may come an occasion when a friend has such a distinctive and dissimilar way of approaching a situation that it may cause a divide in agreement. And, the hope is that if that situation does occur, that the friendship has enough of a firm foundation otherwise that it can withstand the difference in viewpoint. The most important thing is to be able to express the dissimilarity, and if necessary, disagree on that particular topic. It is not our duty as close friends to blindly agree with another, if the person is doing something which we fundamentally are uncomfortable or differ with in essence. A close friend, with a good heart, will understand that life truth. I would guess that it likely creates a new maturity within the relationship. As President Abraham Lincoln so astutely states, “I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to success, but I am bound to live by the the light that I have. I must stand with anybody that stands right, and stand with him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong.” And, in the more modern sense, J.K. Rowling stated the same thought when she expressed, “It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.” Thank you so very much, from the bottom of my heart, for taking a moment of your precious time to read my thoughts. Sending you each many hugs, much love, infinite light and abundant positive energy, now and always. Have an marvelous May!

Speech for 4th Annual “Most Powerful Women of the Bay” Award, 3/14/13

Shefali Razdan Duggal — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 07:20:15 +0000

Hello, everyone! Thank you so very much for the privilege and honour of being included with such esteemed women to receive this award. I am very grateful and genuinely touched. When Cathy asked that we each give a short speech, I introspected about what I would like to convey. As a woman who thinks primarily with my heart, I quickly came to the conclusion that I would like to discuss the concept of FAITH. FAITH, in the connotation which I am referring, can and does come in multiple forms. To name just a few – - FAITH in the knowledge that there is something greater than oneself – - whether it is subjectively considered God, the Universe, or whatever thought might bring internal peace and clarity to one’s soul. FAITH also includes having the knowledge that we are exactly where we are intended to be at this precious intersection of time, within all capacities, and thus…we should blissfully accept and express our personalities, our intellect, our beliefs and our internal radiance with unassuming confidence. FAITH in knowing that our thoughts, beliefs and actions come from good and pure-hearted intent. These are just a few examples of FAITH which are very important to me.

My journey of FAITH started many years ago, when I was a young child growing up in Cincinnati OH. After many volatile years at home, both emotionally and physically, my father decided that his wife and three children were cumbersome to his life and he needed to be set free from the burden of us. Throughout their marriage, my mother was a seemingly ideal wife for a man of that generation and culture – - she never spoke back, she did what she was told and she kept everything that was happening at home a secret from those who knew and loved her. After my father left, and I witnessed my mother working 2 minimum wage jobs to support herself and the children whom she was left to raise alone, I did lose faith in the concept of family and in the goodness of humanity. I thought, “How could someone so virtuous as my mother be treated with such callousness?” I pondered….”is this what humanity is all about?” Admittedly, very deep thoughts for an 11 year old girl, although it started a lifetime of involuntary self-reflection. My mother, brothers and I became ostracized within specific communities of Cincinnati OH, as well as from many members of our family back in India, as being the family that was broken. And, that for numerous unfair reasons, we weren’t good enough for…anything or anyone. In the old cultural way of viewing this sort of situation, it was perceived to be assuredly my mother’s fault, as that is the only explanation for a handsome, intellectual man to leave his family. Little did they know the truth, and my mother continued displaying her astounding dignity in that she wouldn’t ever mention a sliver to anyone of what actually occurred at home all of those years, and also, how he left us suddenly and with nothing. She believed, with complete and utter FAITH, that God rectifies all inequity and the truth always comes out.

I learnt from my mother, both from her words and actions, to be honest, straightforward, to treat every person with kindness and respect, to feel and express empathy, and to be authentic to the core. I came to understand that by doing the right thing, feeling kindhearted emotions, and expressing true compassion to the world, that not only do we assist in some small way to the greater good of humanity, but that we also inadvertently heal our own wounds. While healing our wounds should never be the focus as to why we attempt to do good in the world, it has a beautiful side effect which we ultimately benefit. My mother also taught me that irrespective of what other’s preconceived notions of us are, both positive and challenged, that we must not have fear in the gift of being ourselves. That we are a beautiful vision in God’s eyes, and it is an injustice to both Him and to ourselves to not express it with grace, joy and humility. Ultimately, that we should never dull our own shine for someone else.

Over time and varied emotional states of a young girl, I came to realize how it was due to the belief in something greater than myself that my mother, brothers and I flourished from our experiences. Today, I am a woman who is in complete alignment within my heart, soul and mind. What I feel, think and say are in harmony with my deepest intent. While I hope that those around me understand that my intent in life is to improve both myself and create positive energy for those around me, I also am aware that others view life through the coloured lens of their own experiences. I have FAITH in knowing that I mean well in life, and thus, I carry that humble and reasonable confidence with me everywhere I go, in everything I do. And, this sense of comfort has been within me for the last many years, and allows for my own light to come streaming through. And, my heart feels at peace. I hope and wish this same emotion for each and every one of you, today and always. Whatever your individual experiences might have been which have led you to this moment in time, please know that everything happens for a reason and that we are presented with the greatest skill set of confidence when we become self-aware that WE ARE GOOD. And, this knowledge, this FAITH, will allow for our light to sparkle tenderly and with illumination. Today, I am a person of great faith, in the Heavens above and within my continually evolving self. Admittedly, I’m not sure that I’ll ever be as good as my mother, as she is an angel amongst angels, although I’m certainly trying to the best of my ability to emulate her kindness.

As Henry Miller so thoughtfully said, “Every day we slaughter our finest impulses. That is why we get a heart-ache when we read those lines written by the hand of a master and recognize them as our own, as the tender shoots which we stifled because we lacked the FAITH to believe in our own powers, our own criterion of truth and beauty. Every man, when he gets quiet, when he becomes desperately honest with himself, is capable of uttering profound truths. We all derive from the same source. There is no mystery about the origin of things. We are all part of creation, all kings, all poets, all musicians; we have only to open up, to discover what is already there.”

Thank you so very much!

OTHER QUOTE:
“We are like the little branch that quivers during a storm, doubting our strength and forgetting we are the tree – deeply rooted to withstand all of life’s upheavals.” ~Dodinsky

Presidential Inauguration, 2013

Shefali Razdan Duggal — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 07:42:14 +0000

Hello! I hope this note finds you well. I would love to talk about my fantastic experience at the Presidential Inauguration. It was an amazing and surreal gift! I am so very grateful for each moment which lead me to that intersection of time, as well as every instance within that spectacular memory. I received word that I was invited to join the festivities, and I was absolutely thrilled! Whilst I would have loved for my children and husband to join me, they were unable to because: my husband is a Republican (I believe enough is said within this topic) and I personally felt that my children were still a bit too young to enjoy the experience. I promised them that if I had the blessing of being invited to another Inauguration, that I would bring them with me (as, at that time, they would be teenagers and could more easily tolerate the lines, colder than San Francisco weather, etc.). I arrived late on Wednesday evening, and went straight to the Washington Convention Center, as it was the first evening that participants could pick up their tickets for the Inaugural festivities. I walked right in, showed my identification at the necessary check points, and obtained my tickets within 30 minutes (why this is relevant is because I came to learn that just a few days later, to pick up tickets, there was a line of roughly 3 hours to wait). The next day, I intermixed the day with a few social engagements with friends in Washington, as well as a few meetings. It was a relaxing and productive day, as I knew that the coming days would be very busy, and that I should take one day to, in all senses of the word, relax. On Friday, I was invited to attend a reception at the White House, where President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama greeted each guest. It was utterly remarkable! Each moment of this day – - whilst I was walking up to the White House, as I was in the People’s House strolling through the majestic hallways with historic pictures lining the walls, as I viewed military personnel dutifully protecting and assisting the guests, and even as I was staring at the paper napkin with the official seal at the food station (I took a few extra to bring home to my children and to my mother!)…I was feeling and contemplating the enormity of the dream that I was experiencing at this very moment in time. All I could think about was my mother, her journey, her struggle…and, how did her daughter receive this undeserved blessing? I had a combined emotion of gratitude, shock, wide-eyed innocence and likely…a bit of joyful and nervous goofiness! And, to add even more frosting to this already delicious cake, Vice President Biden and Dr. Jill Biden attended the event, as well (we weren’t aware of this until towards the end of the actual gathering, when they entered the room). When I walked up to the Vice President, he remembered meeting my mother and I a few weeks earlier, and he asked how she was doing. He then told me, right then and there, to ring her on the phone so that he could talk to her! I was so astonished that he remembered us, and even moreso, that he felt such a sweet memory of my mother that he wanted to chat with her. After leaving the White House, I then prepared to attend an event at a private home for my dear friend, a close associate of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., as my friend was being honoured by the Smithsonian Museum that weekend for his civil rights work. The event was fulfilling and wonderful, and exceptionally special to see so many people admire and commemorate the Professor, and it was especially touching when he brought me up to the front, and introduced me to the crowd as his daughter. That sincerely filled my heart with joy. On Saturday, the National Finance Committee had an all-day meeting, with many wonderful and inspiring speakers, to let us know how the campaign is hoping to transition now that President Obama won reelection. President Bill Clinton, the featured speaker that afternoon, came to the podium, with no notes, and spoke from his heart for one hour, telling us how important it was to remain politically engaged. I was in sheer admiration at how he spoke so passionately, so effortlessly with such command of various knowledge…without one single note. President Clinton is such a natural at expressing complex information in the most simplistic way…truly the “Secretary of Explaining Stuff,” (as he was so eloquently dubbed by the press after his Convention speech in Charlotte NC). After the meeting, there was an NFC reception, and then I went on attend a few fantastic South Asian gatherings – - the SAALT reception and the Indiaspora Ball. I then stopped by the Democratic Governors Association event, which my friend is involved with and asked that I attend. On Sunday, I ventured over to Senator Mark Warner’s home, where I (along with a few others) was a host for a South Asian outreach brunch. Senator Warner is the Co-Chair of the U.S. Senate India Caucus. It was a marvelous event with lively conversation and engaged attendees. I chose to wear my American flag dress (it’s classy – - I promise) – - and, it was enjoyable to don such a patriotic dress in our nation’s capital! After the brunch, I went to go visit a close family friend (my other mother, as she and I both describe her), and then I made my way back to the hotel. At this point, the roads within Washington D.C. were significantly blocked off and quite a bit challenging to maneuver via car. After I reached the hotel, I quickly got ready and then headed out to another official campaign event…the “Candlelight Reception,” where the President/First Lady, Vice President/Dr. Biden all were in attendance. The Candlelight Reception had an abundant scattering of notable electeds, politicos, athletes and media types. It was an interesting and diverse gathering of folks. After the speeches by the President, et al, I then headed back home, as I knew that the next day, Inauguration Day, would be a wonderful experience which would start early in the morning, and may likely end quite late into the evening. On Monday morning, I awoke at 4 a.m., and after getting ready, headed over to another hotel where the buses were waiting to take us over to the Inauguration grounds itself. Upon reaching the hotel, guests went through security clearance, given a bagged yummy breakfast and then we boarded the bus. I thought that it was very nice of the campaign team to provide the bus service and the food – - they went out of their way to do this for us, and I am grateful. With everything they had to accomplish during those very busy few days/months, to add this benefit for us was very kind – - it was another quantity of work enforced upon themselves to add comfort to our experience…so truly nice of them. The official bus took us over to our seats, and since we had already gone through security at the hotel, we were able to just walk right into our assigned area. After finding my seated section, I then plopped myself down and waited. It was lovely to see friends, from all over the country, walking around and then being able to talk with them. The Inauguration had so many moving speeches, and I, again, was in complete shock to realize that I was actually there, part of this moment…amazed at God’s grace in allowing all of this to happen within my destiny. I kept seeing everything through the eyes of an immigrant to this great country – - how, in just one generation, did this become possible for me? How and why was God so very undeservingly kind to me? I am so appreciative and amazed, and will always be. Throughout the speeches, and most especially the President’s, there was a protester who had climbed a tree behind us, and was yelling out his thoughts/beliefs the entire time. And, honestly – - he had a really loud voice, and the acoustics lent an advantage to him. Whilst it was a bit cumbersome to hear his comments between and sometimes even over President Obama’s thoughtful words, I viewed the silver lining within the situation, which was…we fortunately live in a country which allows this sort of open dissent. That concept plainly and internally amazed me. After the Inauguration, the authorities promptly arrested him, and beyond that, I’m not quite sure of the follow up for that individual. After the public swearing in, I then headed back and rested, as I knew that the evening may be a longer one than I was accustomed to experiencing. I got myself ready and then attended a media-type event, then headed over to the Inaugural Ball. It was an energetic, lively and electric atmosphere, and it was delightful to see so many people came together to celebrate the Inauguration of this thoughtful and introspective man, President Barack Obama. I enjoyed spending time with friends and we all watched in gratitude and awe when the President and First Lady commenced their dance to celebrate their journey for the next four years. I kept thinking about how the President must have been so thoroughly relieved to have the campaign over and to get back to what mattered the most to him…improving the station, in all respects, of our great nation. I was very content to make my way back home to San Francisco after being gone for multiple days, although, the imprint which was sealed in my mind and heart from the campaign experience, culminating with the Inauguration, is something which I will treasure infinitely. From the deepest confines of my heart, I deeply and authentically believe that I did not deserve all of the kindness which God has shown me over the years, in this and all matters. I am candidly aware of this fact and thus, makes me even moreso profoundly grateful for His kindness. As Thomas Merton so thoughtfully says, “To be grateful is to recognize the Love of God in everything He has given us – and He has given us everything. Every breath we draw is a gift of His love, every moment of existence is a grace, for it brings with it immense graces from Him. Gratitude therefore takes nothing for granted, is never unresponsive, is constantly awakening to new wonder and to praise of the goodness of God. For the grateful person knows that God is good, not by hearsay but by experience. And that is what makes all the difference.” And, Willie Ames, in a lighter sense, expresses a version of this concept when he states, “There are things God does for me daily, and it throws me into a brain lock, because I know in my heart that I don’t deserve that kind of grace. I don’t deserve that break.” Thank you so much for taking a moment of your precious day to consider my observations. I am sending you each many hugs, much love, infinite light and abundant positive energy. Have a marvelous March!

Hamsa – - The Protection of God’s Supportive Love

Shefali Razdan Duggal — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 01:22:47 +0000

Hello! I hope this note finds you well. I would love to talk about something which I profoundly and deeply believe within my heart, the strength and love of Hamsa. According to multiple websites with various descriptions: The Hamsa is a palm-shaped open right hand amulet, an image recognized and utilized as a universal sign of protection in many societies throughout the world and throughout history. The Hamsa is viewed as a symbol of holiness, healing and miracles, which attracts the forces of good to the bearer and protects he/she from unseen dangers whilst also neutralizing negative energies. The Hamsa helps the wearer feel the existence of God’s love and protection in everything experienced (whether seen or unseen to the human eye, heart and soul). Historically throughout a wide geographic area, the Hamsa was considered the sacred symbol of God’s protective hand here on Earth. Whilst the symbol predates Christianity and Islam, the Hamsa icon eventually developed a special place in Judaism, and also evolved to become observed as a sacred and respected symbol in Islam (also known as the “Hand of Fatima” to commemorate Muhammad’s daughter Fatima Zahra), Christianity (Levantine Christians call it the “Hand of Mary” for the mother of Jesus), Hinduism and Buddhism. Many early cultures adopted the “eye” as an icon for their protection, and other civilizations used Hamsa…thus, over time the most popular symbol utilized became an intermixture of the two – - the eye placed in the palm of the hand. The power of the eye inserted into Hamsa combined their two infinite powers and introduced the idea of obtaining a more protective entity by combining the essence of two. Effectively, the eye seeing the negative energy (which we mere humans are often unable to detect) and the hand returning it back to where it came. This concept of the Hamsa became truly understood within my heart some years ago. I was exiting a somewhat difficult timeframe within my life… when I intuitively knew that I had perhaps not been on the most positive and productive trajectory during my existence. Since childhood, I have consistently felt a deep and abiding faith in God, although, in all honesty, I wasn’t quite confident in knowing how to adequately apply this faith during this particularly challenging period in assisting with my internal soul development and recovery. I happen to fall upon the concept of Hamsa when I read about it in a magazine. And, as I intensely and genuinely realize now within each cell of my being – - NOT ONE THING happens in life unless it was intended to occur at that very moment. The timing of me learning about the Hamsa was intended to be at that exact intersection of my existence, as that is likely when I needed it the most. When I did further research and truly ascertained the concept of the Hamsa, I felt an unwavering certainty to put my faith into this protective measure. I purchased a Hamsa, with a red string (symbolism of my Hindu religion), and then placed it on my wrist. This, combined with the thoughtful knowledge which I had attained after reading “The Secret” (earlier blog written about this concept), changed my life. I wore the Hamsa bracelet and felt I truly had the infinite and authentic protection of God. And, in all honesty, I realize that I have always had God’s loving protection, as I deeply believe that those folks with good intentions in life towards others do receive this (often undeserving) honour from the Heavens above. Although, to have this symbolism on my wrist truly did make me visually comprehend on a very consistent and truly visual basis that I was being protected by the Heavens above. Eventually, I came to understand the meaning of the Protective Eye, also. The eye, which I had always perceived to be called, “The Evil Eye,” was something which I was initially uncomfortable with, as I did not personally approve of the idea of having anything on myself with the word “Evil” in its identification or conceptualization. And, even when I came to understand that it was intended to protect against negative energy directed towards me, I remained uneasy about its name. I eventually came to also hear of the other name it went by, the “Protective Eye.” This idea was much more comfortable within my heart – - the concept that something was protecting me (the semantics did seem to be more affirmative to my soul). And, I then also struggled with the concept of sending the negative energy back to the source, as honestly…I found that to be an unkind action. I somehow was inaccurately relating this return to be a negative deed from myself. It was only when it was calmly and lovingly explained to me by an elder that, “Well, Shefali – - someone is sending negative vibrations to you. And, you don’t deserve or want it. As long as you are and remain to be a good hearted and good intentioned person, your positive vibration/energy will reject this negative energy and then will simply return it back to the sender. The person is reabsorbing what they intended towards you. If they had sent good intentions, then they have nothing to worry about. If the intention is unkind, then that is their own challenge to deal with the re-absorption – - they should never have sent it with their eyes and heart towards another in the first place. You aren’t sending it initially – - you are simply rejecting what they sent unwarranted to you. A ‘Return to Sender’ of sorts.” Once it was explained to me in this fashion – - I definitely removed the guilty conscience I had about this concept. And, frankly, if someone is sending negative vibrations towards another, which is unhealthy on so many levels for their own soul…then, perhaps the Hamsa’s protection of their intended “target” will make them understand the unkindness of it and ineffectual use of their own energy over time…that they should not target or feel unkindness and unfairness towards another. Although, the education of teaching this very important concept is not my duty. From the deepest core of my vision, my heart and my soul, I authentically believe that my personal duty to God, my family and to the greater human community is to remain a positive intentioned, open hearted, well-meaning, transparent and affirmatively contributing person to beautiful Mother Earth (to the best of my ability). And, I do thoroughly realize that the Hamsa/Eye is not something which I must wear to have the Universe’s unconditional love and protection and to accomplish the goals of attempting to better the Earth in some small way – - although, it has provided me an internal belief and confidence which I am so deeply grateful for and honestly…wearing it can only further be helpful! As St. Patrick so lovingly stated, “May the strength of God pilot us, may the wisdom of God instruct us, may the hand of God protect us, may the word of God direct us. Be always ours this day and for evermore.” Thank you so very much for taking time out of your precious day to consider my thoughts – - I truly appreciate it! I am sending you each many hugs, much love, infinite light and abundant positive energy. Have a fantastic February!

Acceptance of Ourselves

Shefali Razdan Duggal — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 00:01:58 +0000

Hello! I hope this note finds you well. For many years I have been thinking about the concept of weight. Whilst I am consistently and steadfastly considering the gentle thought of spiritual development and ascendance, I am speaking of a different weight within this blog entry. I’m talking about my actual physical weight. I did not grow up with parents who emphasized it, as they were happy if I was healthy child…which I always had been as an adolescent. As a young person, I was likely on the average side for my weight, occasionally slipping towards the heavier side from time to time, since I often was an emotional eater. Although, the extra pounds had never been too excessive – - just a bit larger than my frame really had been accustomed to supporting. Nonetheless, I always seemed to find my way back to my healthy size and weight. And, when I say “healthy size,” I’m implying the weight (muscle and fat combination) which allowed for me to perform at my best mentally, spiritually and with utter and complete clarity, within all realms of my life. I came to realize fairly quickly that this weight can and often does vary from one individual to the next, even (and, often does) if individuals have similar bone structures. I felt the confidence throughout my youth in understanding that individuals vary in size, although somewhere along the way throughout my late teens/early 20s, I inadvertently overlooked this very important concept. I became unnecessarily concerned with how others (not my parents) thought I should appear…which, often times, was slimmer than my actual frame (on a side note: I am very aware that the intent of others advice was often coming from a very positive place within their hearts…of what they thought would look most ideal on me). Over time, this thought process ultimately entered into my own head. I selfishly began the challenging and unhealthy journey of childishly abusing my body by not feeding it enough, all to appear in a way…which perhaps was chic…although did not internally or adequately reflect an accurate or fair representation of my personality or the internal murmurings of my soul. It struck me that whilst at this very thin (for myself) weight, I was overly focused on the silly thought of what morsel of food I would allow myself to consume next. I wasn’t thinking enough about the things which really matter during this humanly existence – - God, family, friendship and how to (attempt to) positively impact the world, in some small way. I, twice in my life, lost so much weight, that it deeply concerned my mother to the point of tears. How utterly selfish of me, I think now. And, when I look at pictures of myself from those periods, I am shamed within my heart to realize how I created such an emotional and unfair turmoil within my Mummy’s heart. How can a mother see her baby girl do this to herself…a girl/woman who is old enough and emotionally stable enough to know better? FOOD. One of the greatest physical life forces to humankind, which if not cherished properly, can be so very destructive to one’s senses. As a young person, I had a certain amount of leverage with my body, which allowed for a bit of unhealthy behaviour, although as an adult woman, I began to realize…this time is fleeting, and I can no longer do this to my heart, soul, mind and physical self. I had a responsibility to my family and to myself to be healthy and serene, as that is how I would be the most respectful to God’s vision of/for me (past, current and future) and the best version of His intention and hopes for my life. During the adult version of this selfishness I experienced (the second time I had an unnecessary issue with food and my body image), it took roughly 5 years for me to gain all of my weight back in a healthy manner, as I had to learn, for the very first time, how to eat properly, how to exercise regularly and for health (not only to become slender), and to be able to look at food as my friend, not my enemy. During this time, I also came to understand that no size, no weight is worth being unhealthy within your mind, your heart and your soul. And, if my healthy weight isn’t what a few others envision me to look like at “my very best”…well – - that’s quite okay, because my heart is giving love, my mind is thinking clearly, and my soul is at peace. Such a simple concept, and it took me so many years to understand. Although, as the old adage wisely states – - it’s better late than never. To come to this place has also allowed me to look at all things with an entirely different perspective and internal confidence. That whilst I would like to look nice…I don’t need to look perfect (as subjectively determined). I’ll be the first to admit, I like to wear pretty things, although it isn’t based now on how the item looks on me…it has to do with the fact that the item categorically reflects a part of my personality (for instance, I love bright clothes…because I really feel colourful and vibrant within my heart and soul!). Today, I genuinely feel like I appear on the outside how I feel on the inside. I walk out today, either in a casual or dressed up manner, knowing that everything about me feels healthy, that my brain is as clear as a sunny, bright, peaceful day and that I feel a serenity from deep within by expressing and knowing who I am at the core (within this point of God’s revelation to me). And, I deeply comprehend that genuine, unaffected and unpretentious beauty is not a mere reflection of superficial and fleeting aesthetics, body types, or weight – - authentic beauty is, in fact, truly something which emanates brightly from within, most especially revealed with a cheerful energy and positive, accepting and encompassing light shown to the outside world which is so beautifully reflected when one feels at peace with themselves. I walk in, often, with a genuine smile and a joy which truly is reflected from the light in my eyes. And, this has nothing to do with how I believe I look or what I conceive others to think of me…it has to do with the fact that I have traveled a particular journey and I’m at peace with who I am, in all capacities, and am truly looking forward to how God will continue to shape my soul. We are so blessed and fortunate to have our health, and we shouldn’t let others interpretations of what they believe we should look or behave like change this gift which God gave to us each as individuals. As Wildred Peterson so thoughtfully said, “The art of being yourself at your best is the art of unfolding your personality into the person you want to be. . . . Be gentle with yourself, learn to love yourself, to forgive yourself, for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the right attitude toward others.” I so appreciate you taking a moment out of your precious day to read and consider my thoughts! Have a spectacular New Year and Happy 2013! Sending many hugs, much love and infinite light to each of you, now and always.

The Brightness THROUGHOUT the Tunnel

Shefali Razdan Duggal — Sat, 01 Dec 2012 09:43:41 +0000

Hello! I hope this note finds you well. The beautiful and winding tunnel of self-realization…it is a long and wonderful one. It begins the moment when we are born on this beautiful earth and continues until the end of our mortal journey (and, likely beyond). The tunnel is infinitely abundant with education and enlightenment for all of us, on some level, and at varying accelerations. I have absolute faith in this concept. I believe that we all learn throughout and within each moment of time, although how we decide to individually apply this knowledge is what varies between each individual. Hopefully, it is in the affirmative and for the betterment of our souls and for society’s positive advancement, spiritually and otherwise. I confidently believe that as I look back at each segment of time which I have passed through, that it was ultimately an affirmative and helpful experience for my life, for my existence and most importantly, for the progression of my goal(s) to improve the vastness and love within my heart. I have been through various stages of emotional (im)maturity, and I likely will continue to do so for many years to come (hopefully in a forward moving, positive direction). Things that at one point deeply and profoundly troubled me now often only warrant a temporary moment of discomfort, which ultimately results in a thoughtful introspective lesson to be learnt and applied as I continue within the adventure of life. In the last 20 years, beginning with my father, I have been betrayed, in some capacity and on some challenging level, by some folks in my life. It was happening so often that I was beginning to accept that this was perhaps a way of my existence. My mother, brother and a few very special friends did actively display their love and loyalty to me all throughout those moments, and I am so grateful for that gift. These are the same people who have stood by me through so many varying life circumstances and situations, never using my troubles as a point of gossip, never being anything but honest with me (especially when I was wrong) and always standing by my side, to protect and guide me (as, I had attempted to do, to the best of my ability, for and with them). Unfortunately, as we all do on occasion as we progress in our age, I also began to experience the ill fate (although necessary lesson) of disloyalty and disingenuous friendships. In a few situations, my good intent was taken advantage of, and eventually, disregarded with a harshness which I am spiritually and emotionally incapable of understanding. Often, I just quietly slinked away from the situation, deeply hurt and confused, whilst the person who did the act/action was serenely continuing their life with utter internal peace and a thorough lack of self-reflection (or, perhaps they were unable to experience that level of introspection at that moment in time, for whatever potential reasoning). After one too many of these situations occurring, I began to deeply reflect within, and ultimately question what it was about myself which was allowing this behaviour, and why I was fundamentally being drawn to these type of folks. It finally struck me what the root cause might have been for myself – - a deeply ingrained lack of self-esteem stemming from the fact that I was never quite good enough for my father (my intellect, my personality, the way I spoke, my physical look – - the list goes on and on) and for the unfair judgment of those around me because of the abandonment of my father (it was viewed to be somehow the fault of my mother, brother and I that my father left…because why otherwise would an extraordinarily handsome, intelligent, superficially charming man leave his family? clearly, very limited thought process by others). I had been so accustomed to being treated badly/unfairly, either directly or indirectly, that I simply accepted it, and did not demand more from myself or even hope for more than the minimal kindness/tolerance from those around me. The fortunate thing which occurred from all of this discomfort over the years is that I became a truly faithful person. My belief in God was there beforehand – - I knew God existed and that He was part of my life, although I didn’t search much beyond those facts in my life. Once I began to truly introspect, with a very open heart and open mind, I began to deeply and genuinely believe that God is truly there for me, that God will never let me down or abandon me, that God will always do the right thing for my life and that He equipped with me internal strength and knowledge, as I held His hand, to survive and flourish from the challenges which presented themselves in my life. I then understood, with a newfound clarity, that all the pain I had experienced as a young person had, in some way or another, prepared me for the loving, open and empathetic heart which I was striving to achieve. Once I experienced this epiphany, some major and very fundamental changes began occurring within my life. I realized that I was recklessly (optimistically, although naively) doling out my precious (to my heart) loyalty and friendship to those whom, effectively, did not deserve it. I am, in no way, an arrogant or self-centered person, as I realize that I have so much to learn, so much to progress with my spirituality, so much to continue to improve upon in my life and behaviour. Although, the thing that I did realize is that I am a person attempting to be authentically kind, in every action and in every thought, who truly does desire to have the same level of caring positive intent to be surrounding me. I didn’t believe that I was asking for much, and I realize now…that I really wasn’t. I began to access who I was surrounding myself with, and realized that my deepest and closest relationships must be with those whom I have 100% faith in having my best interest(s) in mind, through every ebb and flow of my life. And, once I realized this very fundamental and rudimentary necessity within my life, I also deeply understood how God has been so good to me by placing so many of those women and men already in my life, and for preparing me from past experiences to be able to more intuitively sense when someone had a beautiful, kind energy whom I was hoping to share time within this blessed life journey. These close family and friends had been with me through everything, when I was in vacuums of absolute happiness and fulfillment, and also when I was within cylinders of absolute despair. I realized that the personality traits which were threaded in each one of them – - empathy, acceptance of others, loyalty, transparency, honesty, protectiveness, kindness (especially to those who aren’t in the same station in life as they were, in whatever capacity) – - were those traits which I had subconsciously been thirsting to practice, share and surround myself within every aspect of my life. Once I understood this truism, my antenna was on high alert and I knew what types of folks I truly wanted in my life. On a side note, I have always noticed how someone (whether in a personal or professional situation) would treat those employed in restaurants, stores, staff within any working environment, etc. If it was with disdain, condescension or disrespect….it didn’t matter how nice you are to me – - I immediately assessed a great deal about the true belief structure of a person, as those aforementioned actions spoke volumes about that individual, what they thought of others and what they thought of themselves (of course, with the exception of someone having a challenging emotional moment, and not behaving in a usual thoughtful capacity – - although, in those situations, often those folks would be apologetic to whomever they inadvertently had been unkind towards). As the child of a woman who cut vegetables at the local grocery store during the night shift…I was keenly aware of how people treated my mother. And, I could quickly sense when someone was genuinely kind or if they had an inflated self of themselves, for whatever reason. These lessons I learnt early in life remained firmly ingrained within my soul…and, I’m so glad for that. This, as a simple yet important example, keeps me surrounded with good people with impeccably kind hearts. And, I believe emphatically that close friends can truly range in length of time we have them in our lives – - from my longest-term friends of 35 years, to girlfriends who are absolute gifts in my life whom I’ve only known for one year. The similarity within their core beliefs and behaviour – - irrespective of background, ethnicity, religion (including level of faith), age, etc – - is quite diverse. Many of them have very little in common in terms of their own personal life journeys, although they each have deeply pure intent, hearts and souls. I knew that I was doing something right when I could put any one of my close friends together, in small or large groups, and they all got along well for the most part, often becoming great friends amongst themselves. Whilst I truly wish those well who have hurt/betrayed me in the past (either unintentionally or intentionally), and in fact, I now realize that I have indeed forgiven them in my heart and soul (irrespective of the nature or depth of their betrayal; as it is a healing journey for my own peace of mind to move forward), I also comprehend that it is not my duty to allow them back into my life in order to appease their late-blooming emotional consciences. A close friend said to me recently, “Shefali, it often takes folks many years before they realize how they threw away something really loving/good in their life, and when they do realize, they often come back to seek forgiveness.” Yes, I do agree with this concept, and I also authentically believe that it is my duty to God to forgive and to positively move forward with sensitivity and love towards myself and others. And, for me, moving forward has encompassed having been given the gift of expanding wisdom (admittedly, with so much more to be schooled upon by God and life experiences) of what types of folks to surround myself with in terms of loving, positive energy. And, I thank God every day for the affection which I have been blessed with in my life. It took me a long time to get to this place, to have this circle of love and positive vibration constantly surrounding my life, and for that, I am deeply and profoundly grateful. The tunnel is very bright, every inch of it, throughout each moment of past, present and future time, and I am so appreciative of the lessons which I have learnt about myself, human nature and how to truly cherish and love the most special part of myself…my heart. As my hero, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., said so beautifully, “There comes a time when the cup of endurance runs over, and men are no longer willing to be plunged into the abyss of despair.” I endured, and I will continue to do so, as I am loved and protected by the Heavens above. Thank you so much for taking time out of your precious day to read my thoughts – - I so appreciate it! I am sending each and every one of you, from the bottom of my heart, many hugs, much love, infinite light and abundant positive energy. Have a delightful December!

SELF-REFLECTION

Shefali Razdan Duggal — Thu, 01 Nov 2012 16:18:17 +0000

Hello! I hope this note finds you well. I am writing today, as we are coming upon, very expediently, the impending 2012 Presidential election day. I feel very passionately about this election, and have put much of my heart and soul (outside of my joyful family blessings and responsibilities) into assisting, in some small way, within the reelection effort of President Barack Obama. I began this journey of political interest and participation many years ago…having first been fascinated with the political process as a 9 year old child witnessing the Carter v. Reagan 1980 election (yes, indeed somewhat odd for a young child!). I had this deep appreciation for how the United States could and does fundamentally encourage its residents to achieve and excel, whilst further developing the democratic process which this great nation was founded upon. This gratitude slowly and meticulously developed into a deep-rooted belief in fairness, meritocracy and the blessing of the democratic system. Throughout my involvement within politics, I have always been optimistic that my good intent towards societal improvement would be somewhat helpful, in some small way, to the larger purpose of accelerating the democratic ideals of the United States. At the moment of commencing this journey, I had not quite fully realized that this personal political voyage would also support me in my own spiritual growth.

Within my individual and subjective perspective, the most important thing within my own journey (at this very moment in time) is my deep and profound hopefulness that President Barack Obama achieves a well-deserved second term. That is what I, along with a multitude of others, have been participating within, during this fulfilling and enlightening re-election mission. And, the unanticipated supplementary personal value of this process has been a deeper and continued developing comprehension of who I am at the core, what fundamentals I believe in, how my internal being is truly woven, and what principles (in thought and behaviour) are non-negotiable within my heart. I have been fortunate to be surrounding by, for the majority of my life, a richly abundant number of very good intentioned, very pure-hearted people in my life (of course, with a weed sneaking in occasionally, although quickly removed from the garden once I realized the truth of the fragrance of this weed). In spite of having experienced challenge(s) at different points of my life, as we all do from time-to-time, I was determined to remain optimistic, internally joyful and grateful, and to consciously attempt to bring happiness to those around me. It was a purposeful mission which I held within my soul from a very young age. I’m not quite sure what so tenaciously drove this mission, other than the fact that I likely did not want to repeat the self-created destiny of a few of my own family members, who were blessed with God-given talent and brilliance and threw it out the window, all based on their short-sighted human pride and callousness towards others. I was determined to not allow this destiny to repeat within my own existence, and I realized, from a very young age, what to hoped to do if I wanted to experience authentic joy and be a child of God whom He could and would be pleased with in terms of my behaviour, towards myself and others. And, with this thought process, God has been very kind to me by surrounding me with very kind-hearted, exceptionally good people – - likely because that is exactly what I needed to continue my journey of attempted kindness/goodness. And, the appreciation, love and positive example of these wonderful folks would be/is additional fuel to my soul to continue to move forward within my spiritual voyage.

I will be the first to admit that I have made many mistakes in my life, and that I do not hold others in judgment. If there is only one thing which my family and friends can say about me…it is that I am relatively nonjudgmental of others, and that I understand that people are continually evolving…as am I. I do not throw stones from a glass house, although I do understand when something is not right, not fair, not kind and most importantly, not well-intentioned. This political expedition over the last many years has permitted me to understand on a much deeper level who I am, where I can compromise, and where I simply cannot. And the places where I cannot are when I see injustice and unkindness. And, I have to come to understand that injustice isn’t always initially obvious…it is often revealed in the everyday moments, the decisions one makes when no one is looking. Although, deep within my soul I truly have faith and belief that someone, God, is ALWAYS looking. It is from the small gestures, the minor actions, that one can truly see how someone will behave within the more (subjectively) significant matters/moments. When I realized this element of human nature, and truly understood it within each cell of my being, I felt very clear on the type of folks whom I wanted to surround myself with, within all aspects of life. I now understood, throughout this learning curve of political activism, as I was surrounded by majority amazing personalities, what the concept of “principles” meant to me. I have always acknowledged that while I am bright, I am absolutely aware of my limitations (as we all should be…it is important to be cognizant of our strengths and challenges), and I make up for the lack of natural ability with a very focused, transparent and accountable work ethic. And, as I developed a deeper understanding of how my soul truly functioned, I also began to develop the comprehension of how important it is to respect my principles and to acknowledge them openly and respectfully. I began to profoundly understand that whilst I attempted to continuously live my principles, the only way to attract more folks whom I adored, respected and cared for (aspiring to learn from their accelerated spiritual wisdom) would be to be very cognizant of what behaviour was acceptable to my heart.

This has been a wonderful edification for me, both in the personal and professional sphere. I have come to authentically experience and deeply appreciate internal radiance, and conversely, I have also learnt to recognize when a few weren’t on a similar spiritual path as myself (and, honestly, some folks are simply disinterested in striving towards this/any spiritual path, and that is each individual’s personal right). And, whilst there is nothing wrong with that, as we are all on different timelines to likely reach a very similar place on the spiritual plane, I also do acknowledge that it is no longer my duty to encourage others, to expedite their process. As I further educate my soul to the goodness of the world, the blessings of God’s hand in our lives and the gift of our lives on this beautiful planet, I have come to understand that it is genuinely for the reason that I deeply hope to continue this education of my soul. If someone is not in the same or similar place as I am in how I believe we should treat one another with kindness and respect, and their actions are clearly reflective of that, then, it is a duty to myself to gently move forward.

Unexpectedly and exuberantly, politics has taught me these lessons. Each stage in life has educated me with innumerable and sincerely helpful wisdoms: The challenge of my childhood taught me about my deep-rooted internal resolve to reflect and share with others an authentically positive outlook; the birth of my children taught me about my resilience, will-power and determination to help create (with God’s loving hand and blessing) an emotional life for my children which was full of hope, possibility and compassion. And, politics truly cemented particular personality traits which I had been slowly aspiring towards within the entirety of my life’s journey: kindness, love, empathy, decency, transparency. These are ideals which I aspire to reflect, and I deeply hope to surround myself with folks who share these ideals. These many lessons of life came together and intersected in the last many years, and I am very grateful. As Pastor Joel Osteen so wisely said, “People may try to push you down, although when you are fully cognizant that God has approved you, you realize that you don’t need other people’s approval. You’ve been equipped, empowered and anointed by the creator of the Universe. When you are passionate and confident about who you are, it brings honour to God…and, that is when God will breath in your direction and you will take root and begin to flourish.” Thank you so much for taking time out of your precious day to read my thoughts and I am wishing you a wonderful November! Sending you each many hugs, much love, infinite light and abundant positive energy.

Democratic National Convention 2012, THANKFULNESS!

Shefali Razdan Duggal — Mon, 01 Oct 2012 00:33:07 +0000

Hello! I hope this note finds you well. I would love to talk about a recent happening which I joyfully experienced in September – - the 2012 Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, North Carolina. It was a surreal and truly inspirational moment for my heart for multiple reasons. I attended this Convention, wide-eyed and in heartfelt gratitude, each and every moment that I was there in attendance. I was asked to join this marvelous occasion under the umbrella of three invitations: as a member of President Barack Obama’s National Finance Committee; as a member of the National Credentials Committee for the Democratic National Convention (under “Elected Leaders and Party Leaders”; nominated by Democratic National Committee Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz) and; an At-Large Delegate from the great state of California. Each of these gifts were a complete shock to me, and each, I emphatically and thankfully accepted with authentic joy. The NFC let each member know which credentials we were eligible for within the Convention proceedings, and I was thoroughly over the moon with elation with the news which I received! Then, I received a really lovely email invitation to join the National Credentials Committee. Before I had time to start doubting myself (as…I often do), the DNC folks in Washington followed up with a very kind phone call asking me to be part of the Credentials Committee. I was unquestionably overjoyed and may have had a higher and louder octave voice than usual when I accepted (there was a very patient person on the receiving end of that call!). Then, about one week later, I was given the fantastic news that I would be an At-Large Delegate from the glorious state of California. Whilst I initially deliberated and worried about how I would be able to appropriately, dutifully, accurately and respectfully fulfill the responsibilities of each commitment, I realized that…this was an abundantly good challenge to experience. I then accepted the inevitability that my sleep would be deprived for one week, although my adrenalin would likely retain me within a state of high energy. And, I was correct. I landed in Charlotte on a Friday, and besides the first evening of settling in, I was moving throughout the week at a somewhat astounding pace for myself. Between attempting to be as dutiful as possible towards each responsibility/gift given to me and the desire to attend various other events which were taking place…the week didn’t allow for much leisure time or rest. I slept, on average, about 3-4 hours an evening, and besides my eyes turning from a shade of white, to creme, to various derivations of red…one wouldn’t have realized how incredibly tired my body truly was (and, this, I am confident, was the pace of most folks at the Convention). Throughout each and every moment within that Convention week, I was feeling immense gratitude for the precise moment of time which I was experiencing. I stood within this splendid epicenter of Democratic Politics (during that particular week), and was in reverence to God of how one can touch this instance in time by doing what they adore, doing it with as much trustworthiness, authenticity and transparency as humanly possible (which, I do endeavor to strive, to the best of my ability, towards being decent and with good intent within this and all spheres of my life). I realized that the teachings which I have attempted to live by, born from various lessons at diverse points in time, do stand tall and are well-founded. As a child, I had thoughtfully considered the concept and belief of somehow pursuing my interest within Democratic Politics. I didn’t have an idea of how I would pursue this interest, or of what capacity I would actually experience political engagement, although what I did know and feel about political activity is that when done fairly and thoughtfully, this field could justly contribute to the betterment of greater society…and, that concept sincerely captivated my mind. When I entered the political sphere many years ago, and even during the time when I took time off to have my two children, I knew that nothing…absolutely nothing…was worth me sacrificing the developing awareness and understanding of who I am, and the potential of who I could become within my soul over time. And, here I was, in 2012, having truly practiced that thought process from the moment I reentered politics in 2007 (and, I hope, for most of my preceding life experiences, as well)…here I was, at an amazing Convention, feeling marvelous emotions…and, it was all due to God’s gracious hand allowing me to feel confident in authentically being myself (warts and all). And, whilst doing that, the end results have been, by God’s grace, fortunately surreal and delightful. I was literally walking around the entire week in complete astonishment of how I arrived at this moment of my life. And, I was very cognizant that the Heavens above have been so unjustifiably good to me. And, I am, from the very core of my being, deeply and profoundly appreciative. The fundamental key to moments like these, and honestly, each and every moment of our lives, is to be grateful for all occurrences, both the extraordinarily joyful and the challenging. To be grateful…God sees your heart and soul, and the desire within our attempt to be thankful and good towards all aspects of our lives and experiences. In my limited knowledge of what God may truly be, I believe with heartfelt confidence that this is what matters within His eyes. And, when we are attempting to perform all aspects of our human lives with good measure and good intent, then we are ultimately given more bounty (although, I deeply emphasize, that this should not be the motivation of why we are grateful for any matter…it only happens to be the end result, as long as our intent is pure).

I had attended the 2000 Democratic National Convention in Los Angeles (as an At-Large Delegate from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts) and the 2008 Democratic National Convention in Denver as an activist. Each experience, including the one in 2012, was profoundly fulfilling and joyful. I, honestly, can eagerly acknowledge that I walked around the 2012 Convention with as much delight, elation and jubilant amazement as I did within the first two Conventions which I had the good fortune to attend. Whilst I was older in 2012, and optimistically a bit wiser, I was experiencing as much exhilaration as I had the first time I stepped within Convention grounds 12 years earlier. And, should I have the privilege and honour to attend a future Convention, I will likely be as electrified as the first experience. Each time I have attended, it was under slightly different circumstances…whatever was in my destiny for that moment in time…and, I am so appreciative. As Cicero so thoughtfully said, “Gratitude is not only the greatest of all virtues, but the parent of all others.” To be grateful births so much delight internally, both for within our own souls and for those within our enthusiastic, thankful and gentle energy. Thank you so much for taking the time out of your precious day to read my thoughts – - I so appreciate it! Sending you each many hugs, much love, infinite light and abundant positive energy. I am wishing you each an outstanding October!

Birthday Speech, Rajat

Shefali Razdan Duggal — Sat, 01 Sep 2012 23:58:07 +0000

Hello, there! I hope this note finds you well. Please find Rajat’s speech for my 40th Birthday Party. I hope that you enjoy it! Sending you all many hugs, much love and abundant positive energy. Have a wonderful and fulfilling September!

First, I want to thank everyone for joining us tonight on this very special occasion and welcome you here. Shefali and I appreciate that you all took the time out of your busy schedules, with a number of you making trips of long distances to join us. As you all know, each of you has a special place in our lives and we are honored to have you here. And I’d like to specially acknowledge Mummy (Shefali’s mother) who is here with us from Cincinnati and who, 40 years ago, was directly responsible (literally) for Shefali being here.

Also, I wanted to give you a quick rundown of the agenda tonight. To be honest, it was a little touch and go on whether I’d even be invited to speak this evening. That I was even allowed to have any hand in the planning of this is a minor miracle. Now in fairness to Shefali, I really haven’t proven myself capable of even the most minor of tasks at home so I understood her reticence. Ultimately, after extensive negotiations, it was agreed that I could plan, but only under the direct supervision of Priya (and as you all know Shefali well, that simply meant that Priya would be her proxy in making sure I didn’t mess this up). But to be clear, if anything, and I do mean anything, isn’t going well this evening, it is Priya’s fault completely.

Ok, back to the agenda. I’ll say a few words myself and then I was going to ask Priya, Mona and Kirtee to speak and hopefully their kind words can mitigate any damage I might do in my own speech.

So now on to the main event of the evening, Shefali. It is always difficult to encapsulate a person in a speech of a few minutes, and it is particularly complicated when it comes to Shefali. She defies easy description because she is so layered, often in contradictory ways, that intertwine to create one of the most special and unique individuals I have ever met. And as I’m somewhat of a numbers guy, I thought I’d use some numbers to try and simplify this complicated equation that we call Shefali.

The first is 4,888. Any guesses on what that number represents? Yes, of course, that is the number of Facebook friends that Shefali has (and no, I’m not making that up, I checked last night). In fact, it’s hard for me to imagine Shefali’s life before Facebook. It is a program that seems to have created with her in mind. And that number is just a numerical reflection of what you all know implicitly about her– Shefali is an incredibly outgoing and social person. It always amazes me how Shefali can walk into a room of people and just simply connect with individuals on a deep personal level immediately. People are drawn to her vibrant and approachable personality and she has an insatiable desire for friendships. And Shefali not only is able to make friends (that it turns out is the easy part), she keeps them once she makes them, which as we all know is the real challenge.

But that wasn’t always Shefali. As many of you know, we went to high school together. And though I know this is shocking now, I was the outgoing one. Shefali wasn’t just shy, she literally hid in her own shell. But one day she decided that wasn’t who she wanted to be (or could be) anymore so she changed it. It is a rare soul that can transform who they are so completely.

The second number is a much smaller number, but an incredibly important one. That number is 2 and it reflects our children, Tarak and Arya. They both have been blessed to have such a kind and loving mother. She has literally devoted herself to them and their happiness in so many different ways and in doing so, she has had to sacrifice so much of her own dreams. She often doesn’t think I notice or appreciate this, but I do and I know they feel it in their hearts. But Shefali also doesn’t hew to the “traditional” role of how she mothers. Come into our home and ask Shefali how to operate our toaster oven, and she literally would not know how to turn it on. For our children, a home cooked meal is Domino’s delivery. At the young ages of 9 and 7, they are more likely to be able to recite the Declaration of Independence than Dr. Seuss stories and can tell you the intricate differences between the platforms of Obama and Romney (Tarak’s a Romney supporter by the way; much to Shefali’s chagrin). But at the same time, they still believe in Santa Clause and have the innocence of their childhood jealously protected by Shefali. As with so much else in her life, Shefali flaunts tradition on the one hand while at the same time embracing it completely.

Finally, the last number is a year. That year would be 1985, my junior year in high school. A few important things happened to me that year. First, I got my driver’s license opening up a world of freedom I didn’t know existed before. It was also the year that the movie Back to the Future was released. And it was also the year I laid my eyes on what I knew was to be my future wife . . . but alas, Heather Locklear chose Tommy Lee from Motley Crue and I experienced my first true heart break. But fortunately, fate was my friend that year, and through the tears I shed for Heather, I was blessed to have spotted across the school a shy, somewhat awkward, but beautiful young freshmen named Shefali. And though I didn’t know it then, just like Marty McFly in Back to the Future, it was the first vision I had into my own future.

We had many chance encounters over the next several years (some even call it fate) until 1998, 13 years after I first laid eyes on her, when Shefali finally agreed to marry me and we made the decision to spend the rest of our lives together. And now here we are, 13 years of marriage, 2 children and 4,888 Facebook friends later, still riding the rollercoaster of our lives, with many ups and downs, our hands up in the air in joy one minute and then grasping the bar tightly the next with fear, always wondering what surprise might be hiding around the next corner. But we are doing it together, hand in hand, as a family, just like I envisioned as a 16 year old back in 1985.

And so for the special birthday woman, I just want to thank you for being such a wonderful mother, wife, and most importantly, friend. You are the most thoughtful person I know, and though I don’t say it enough, I want you to know that I realize how lucky I am to have you in my life. Happy birthday sweetheart.

Birthday Speech, Shefali

Shefali Razdan Duggal — Wed, 01 Aug 2012 07:30:42 +0000

Hello, Friends! I hope this note finds you well. Although I am a few months late posting this, I wanted to share a speech which I gave at my 40th birthday party in November 2011. I recently thought about the speech, and realized that it encapsulated so much which I would like to share about Rajat, my husband. I will be sharing Rajat’s speech next month – - which is quite a bit more humourous! Thank you so much for sharing your precious time in reading these thoughts. Sending you all many hugs, much love and abundant positive energy. Have a fulfilling August!

Speech:

I wanted to thank everyone for taking the time out of your busy lives to join in celebrating my 40th birthday. I am very thankful for your love and friendship. My dear friends present are comprised of folks who have traveled from such long distances as my hometown of Cincinnati OH, in addition to Chicago, New York, Washington D.C., Los Angeles and Sacramento. And, a deep and pure thank you to all of my amazing San Francisco friends – - every single person in this room, is a part of my heart and a part of the family within my soul. And, my sweet mother, Veena Razdan, is here from Cincinnati to celebrate her youngest child’s commencement into middle age.

I hope you don’t mind indulging me in allowing me to talk about two very special people in my life – - my mother and my husband. They are vastly different, and have provided love and comfort to me, during all of the ebbs and flows of my life.

My parents moved to the United States and specifically, to Cincinnati OH, when I was 5 years old. They had a traditional arranged Indian marriage, having met one another for the first time on their wedding day. While they were both pleased when seeing one another’s faces…their personalities could not have been more diametrically opposite. My mother was raised in a culture and time when the duty of a wife was to be silent and to listen unequivocally to the wishes of her husband – - a husband with an extreme temper and irrational sense of overconfidence. After 24 years of marriage, my father decided to leave the family…without a trace. My mother had never been permitted to work and she found herself in a home, with a young daughter (me), with no money, no access to money and no idea on how to manage or make money. She then swallowed whatever pride she had left, and then began working 2 minimum wage jobs to survive…a seamstress during the day and cutting vegetables at the local grocery store at night. As you might guess, my mother did not sleep or smile much during that time. In spite of her personal challenges, my mother’s refusal to be spiritually defeated taught my two elder brothers and I that optimism in the face of adversity, that good will emanating from a pure intentioned heart, that the authenticity of speaking from your soul – - these things are what really matter in our lives in order to gently attempt to be helpful, in some small way, to those around us. For all of those lessons, and the many more that she will teach me by word and by action, I thank my mother, with a profound gratitude and love from deep within my heart. Mummy, I steadfastly pray that God will allow me to be even a shade of the mother you were, YOU ARE, and forever WILL BE, to Bhaiyya, Raja and myself.

Now…a few words about Rajat. I first saw him when I was 13 years old, and he was 15 – - two years elder to me in the same high school in Cincinnati. I was the school nerd – - which is fairly difficult to accomplish, since each grade had well over 500 students – - in fact, mine alone had over 600 – - …although, with my robust frame, abundant facial hair and overwhelming obsession with Star Trek (of which, I still have an unnatural fascination with today, I somehow managed to exceed expectations within my high school of unintentionally striving to, and succeeded at, becoming a bumbling oaf. I was extremely shy and almost physically unable to make eye contact with anyone – - this is all true, as I realize that many of you may not believe it now, with the somewhat NON-shy personality I currently exude. It was 1985, and Rajat was much cooler than me, wearing tie-dye shirts, having a mullet haircut (which was so popular in the 80s), and listening to the band KISS. Nonetheless, a longing in my heart developed, although Rajat was never aware of this. We did not speak once throughout those years in high school, although he came to learn later (after we got married) that I had a memory of specific details of where his high school classes were during his junior and senior year – - I believe we came to realize that perhaps Star Trek wasn’t the only thing I was unnaturally obsessed with in the 1980s).

Nonetheless, soon after I graduated college, Rajat’s mother spotted me at a party when I was home visiting my mother, and she then gently encouraged her son to call me. We spoke and after some time, began to date. After about a year, Rajat and I got engaged. We have now been married for over 13 years, having been blessed with a thoughtful, sweet 10 year old son and an affectionate, darling 7 ½ year old daughter. While this story is quite sweet and heartwarming, the moment when I truly comprehended who Rajat was as a person came during our wedding RECEPTION. And, that is what I’d like to specifically tell you all about. Due to various reasons, it had been decided that my father’s presence at my wedding would perhaps be a counterproductive emotional experience for my mother, brothers and I, as we had each not seen or spoken to him, due to his decision, anywhere between 10-25 years, depending on the individual. When my father came to learn of my wedding, through various relatives in India, he insisted on his presence there. Both of my brothers, knowing how delicate my heart was, began to fight his attendance and ultimately, in spite of their efforts, my father forcefully maneuvered his way into the wedding. We all agreed to allow it, as it was our duty as good human beings, to do right by God, even if human ego had a hard time grappling with our decision-making. The wedding occurred, and while there was abundant tension, we still moved forward without any glitches. Then…the reception. In the middle of the speeches, in front of everyone, my father got up, walked over to me (as I sat in the front, at the wedding table), and told me he was leaving. 400 guests, many of whom knew who and what my father was, as his reputation and temper proceeded him in the Indian community of Cincinnati OH, they all watched in complete horror. As a vulnerable, young 26 year old, all I could do was drop back down in my seat, look down at my lap, and begin to cry. I didn’t hear or see anyone at that moment. I had no awareness that I was supposed to be the dignified, elegant, emotionally controlled bride…I was just a sad little girl, again. Then, I felt the strong, gentle hand of my new husband…Rajat, as he reached over and held my limp, lifeless hand….and heart. His look of complete protection and utter, controlled anger at what had just happened….told me everything. This man, my husband of only a few hours, had anointed himself to the daunting task of protecting me from all harm for the rest of my life. The wedding photographer caught that moment, and when I see that picture today, I do not think of what led to that moment…I think of the man who helped me, from that instance forward for the rest of my days, to lift up my head, my heart and my life. While all marriages have challenges, and I will be the first to admit that Rajat and I have some – - what I do know, with certainty, is that I married a good man, a man who was willing to begin the challenging venture to love a broken girl, and help mend her into a joyful woman. You held my hand, on August 29th, 1998…and, you never let go. And, for that, I cannot thank you enough, Rajat. You saved me.

Thank you so much, everyone, for joining me this evening, and I love you all. Have a great time and let’s have fun!